I WALK BESIDE YOU!! Sadness and Divine Intervention

I was driving home from work yesterday and I was feeling pretty blue. (Frustrated with the lack of control of my life, schedule, and feelings of judgement etc etc etc). And then my ipod ran out of batteries. Disgruntled (I was on a hot streak of songs), I put on my CD drive. Driving feeling sorry for my self... and o ya did I mention it was raining too. And as I sat there pouting about my life in shambles, and I felt that God/Buddha/Jesus/Whoever was really feeling me. FOR EVEN THE HEAVENS SHED TEARS! It only seemed to make things gloomier. But then the CD from The Glorious Boyfriend (here after TGB) came on. And all of a sudden ..."I WALK BESIDE YOU.... WHEREVER YOU ARE!!!!" And all of sudden I'm on the verge of tears.

He walks besides me. Wherever I am. Even if I'm driving a car.

And I was feeling it. Like he was there cheering me on, it was strangely comforting. I remember when he gave me the romantic mixtape (well, when he put the tracks on my zip drive and burned the cd on my computer as I averted my eyes from the screen to keep it "secret") he said that he hoped his middle school anthem would help me through tough times one day. And it totally did. So I'm singing and feeling lots of love from TGB and I really imagine that he's sitting there in the passenger seat for a good minute. (Though as mussy as this all sounds, I could only picture the time he conked out, mouth gapping, when I was driving him IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY.). Regardless, my spirits begin to lift and as I look towards the sky, the clouds parted and the sun shone though and I couldn't help but appropriate it to my own minuscule life. It was GLORIOUS. I was so thrilled, I even listened to Hey Soul Sister (which I usually skip sorry TGB) and it was great! I've never felt so much support from music before. Don't get me wrong, I love music, but never took to using it as an emotion crunch. But hey. no time like the present.

The Glorious Golden Arches

So my cat decided to shit right NEXT to the Box this morning. And it was mighty and was actually one of the most horrible things I had to endure. So theres me, with paper towels picking up a huge turd and gagging the whole swivel I had to make to deposit it in the toilet.

ANYWAYS. In all this madness, I forgot my lunch. Luckily, I realized this about half way through my drive so I had time to make a strategy. See the thing is, where I work we have double parking (aka, I'm the intern who has to get their first, aka my cars trapped. Oh and did I mention I was running late? Well anyways it had to be quick and it had to keep. (we have a fridge, so that opened options). And let's just say I don't work in the best part of town *aka can't walk anywhere *.   So it was going to have to be fast food.

Which is totally annoying because , if I'm going to get fast food, I want to enjoy it. If I'm making the choice to hate myself, I gotta like the journey if not the end. So I'm thinking of places near work (Burger King... do they even have breakfast?)

Finally my savior appears. I see the golden curvature of McDonalds. (and they have a drive through so avoiding ghetto +2) I remember they have salads, things are looking up.

I pull up and a lady with an electronic pad walks towards me. A moment of panic.... Do they serve salad at 8:46 am?

"What can I get you?"
"Do you have salads?"
"Yes"
"Can I have that?" I'm a bit flustered, time is running out.
"What kind?"
(Let it be known their was no menu behind here, this mcdonalds must have a LOYAL clientele)
"Ummm what do you have?"

She lists off a couple when I hear "Caesar Salad", which I tell her I want. She looks solemn.
"There's no chicken though" 
"That's fine" I could honestly care less at this point I'm just desperate. I think she had informed me of this fact at the beginning and is totally weirded out at my lack of interest. 


I then pull up to pay for the salad. The women goes to finish the transaction. "You know there's no chicken."
"So I've heard" Why is everyone so enthused about the chicken. I was actually sorta starting to think I was missing some marvel. 


Anyways, I get to the office on time, no one steals my food from the community fridge (which I was SURE was going to happen on a day like today) and it was actually pretty solid. Even without chicken.  

"JUST A DAY JUST AN ORDINARY DAY"

So I smiled coming out of the bathroom today. Not because of anything that happened in there, I was thinking of something else. Regardless The women on the immediate other side of the door was totally wierded out.

I also considered using my office key to unlock the bathroom door. It's always unlocked. It was a long day

But then I got to meet up with a friend after work whom had gone to her Grandma's birthday party at the Four Seasons restaurant in Beverly Hills and told me all that these old women talked about was sex and drugs. (One offered Sex as an alternative to exercising, while another fraile women copped to having weed in her car and taking a hit before picking up her son as a young mom). This pleases me that the things we talk about never change, even when we get older.     

Dancing with my SELF! Corporate lows

So you know working in a office all day can be super draining, depressing etc. But on the bright side of this, you are EASILY amused. You remember how excited I was about the chair? Yep, THAT easily.

Anyways, I'm always thinking a ways to amuse myself... and actually move. This comes from somebody who is definitely not a gym rat by ANY standards. But it's sort of amazing how little you move in a office job. My mom said some off handed remark about how it can be easy to get fat working in a office if you're not careful. Right... Now I'm paranoid.

So one day a couple weeks ago I was walking down the long hall to the bathroom. (Our office happens to be not that far away, thus explaining the pooping on company time and generally going to the bathroom when bored). Now I have to let you know that I work in a building where there are other offices besides the one I work for. And this long hall connects all the offices and there is a CLEAR line of sight down the hall. But one day I'm like FCUK it.  And I ballet leapt and NO ONE SAW. It was exhilarating. I became bold. I did it, leaping with such fervor I'm sure the teller in the office across the hall thought elephants had invaded, every time I went to the restroom. Then epiphany! Dance battle begun!

See here's the game. Dance. Dance everywhere in very public places. But don't get caught. It is so satisfying every time. I've become even more bold. Dancing in my cubicle which can be seen if ANYONE steps out into the hall (shitty intern desk). There's been some close calls in the hall, somebody a couple days ago turned the corner right as I was landing my leap. A bit of an awkward hi if I do say so myself.

Anyways go get'em people. Get up and start discoing a 2pm in the middle of your office. I feel so rebellious...no VICTORIOUS every time I dance. Good luck grinders.     

Printing Name Tags Sucks.

That is all.

But seriously? A new sheet for just one. The trees weep

Logan found a new chair! #office win # UPGRADE

So yesterday Logan found a new chair, which is a BIG DEAL. (I mean it’s a serious amount of commitment.) Now, not only did he take this chair (which was my old chair), he made it a Super chair , due to a large back pillow. Way to go Logan.

Now, speaking of my old chair I just wanted to let you know how I got Flaming Wheels (the I-just-thought-of-this-seconds ago name for my chair). Well let me tell you. I had this lumpy blue chair and after trying all of the chairs in the conference room (which is like seven different options before falling head over heels for Flaming Wheels ( unintentional rhyming) Anyway she’s big and firm (no arm rests unfortunately). But I can not stress enough how much of a GAME CHANGER this chair was. Serious quality of life +500.

So you probably think I’m crazy for loving this chair (Logan didn’t like it). But all you office workers know how much of a relationship commitment your chair is. And I think I just found my match.   

Pooping at WORK!

I have found a new pleasure at work. You guessed it... shitting. Oh and not only shitting, shitting on company time. (I'm getting paper!). Getting paid to poop, what could be better? As if a poop wasn't satisfying just in it self. Shit just got better (har har har)


Now you ask, Emily, why don't you go during lunch?
How I respond to that is.

1) Lunch time is for ummm LUNCH!

2) Work or Poop. Answer is obvious.

Also, how awesome is it to sit there doing yo thang and think, "I'm getting paid for this shit".

Sigh. Never gets old.

So today I was asked for my "digits". Today was also the day I forgot to put on deodorant. Hmmmmm

So new player on the scene. Fly Graphic Design Guy (FGDG). He's from North Carolina. He flipped out when telling me about the pride parade "There were drag queens hitting on me and I didn't know what gender people were!"(Oh South... so gender normative) "I was prob the only straight guy there! (unlikely for a multitude of reasons)

Hw wears a three piece suit (today was seersucker) and is a committed couch surfer. Couch surfing through cities with strangers. (aka meeting up with a corporate nudist in Berlin, meeting up with unknowns to drive to Sanfran). Crazy huh? Anyways, post acquiring my digits, I was invited to a couch surfing hang out this weekend. A macaroni potluck to celebrate National Macaroni Day. Can't this weekend but hey! Who knows what sorta shenanigans I could get into...   

Welcome!

So... I just got this job at a non-profit in Los Angeles. And when things started getting weird, It was obviously a cue for me to start a blog about it. Basically I'm a liberal arts student whose life is one big awkward moment. (ACTUALLY THOUGH not just saying that cause that's what all the cool kids are saying). I'm generally a free-spirit/artistic human being. For starters, this is my first 9-5 job. I sit in an office during the day and join the corporate commute there and back.

I will be changing names (there has to be SOME discretion). Things gunna get cra-zay.

The Main Players (thus far):
Logan - It's his first job out of college, works in the job above mine. Due to my circumstances, (cubicle next to mine, adventures to Staples, etc. )my BFF of the moment.

Sneaks: Works in my building. Accredited lunch buddy who likes to "keep it fresh". Says things like "gurl, you got the hippie thang going on. I like that. You do yoga? You look like you do yoga. You don't ... nah man get on that!!!" Super outgoing and makes lunch seem like a party.

Friendly Female Friend of Sneaks: As suggested.